Part 2

Khushi wasn't sure what she should do. How long could he keep standing there? Not saying anything. Should she say something? No. Last time she spoke first and she was still paying the price for it. Everytime she confronted him first - either at home or in the car, she paid the price at the end. Tonight, she was going to stay quiet. But the quietness was killing her even more.

Please Devi maya. End this already. How much more can I take? Please Devi Maya.

Her eyes felt heavy and she had to look away. Was he okay? What if he was not well? Immediately her eyes returned to him, scanning him, making sure he was fine. She watched his eyes - they seemed alert watching her back. She scanned his chest. He was not breathing too heavily. There was no sign of pallor on his skin. He was not sweating. She breathed a sigh of relief. He was okay. Then why still silent?! Speak already!!!

She felt her eyes becoming heavier. Again she tore herself away from him. Her cheeks now beginning to hurt as she held the tears back. Don't cry Khushi. He will think that you are using your tears to get something. That will make him more angry.

But she couldn't stand here still, could she? She looked at her hands and it still held her outfit. She needed to change. Didn't Payal tell her that she had to go down quick as Anjaliji was looking for her. She couldn't just keep standing her not doing anything, not saying anything. She would have to talk and then whatever happens, she will just take it silently. Hopefully there will be enough flour and sugar at home for her jalebi session, or maybe she may just skip it like Diwali night.

"Arnavji?" She glanced at him timidly. Her fingers tore into her outfit for support.

"Hmm."

"Just say it, Arnavji." She whispered.

"Say what Khushi?"

"That I should not have any expectations from the dance. It was just a dance and it highlighted that you are the control of our, no, I mean, your destiny instead of fate." As soon as she spoke, she realised its significance. "Is that why you danced with me?"

"What do you think Khushi?" he replied calmly.

Khushi felt her pulse racing. This was going to go badly wrong. She was sure of it. This was just the calm before the storm.

"By the way Khushi, why should it matter to you? You won. Everyone downstairs at the party thinks you have won. And what I do, like you said earlier, doesn't affect you at all, does it?"

She watched as his smile disappeared and he uncrossed his arms. His eyes bored into her. And then he began to creep slowly towards her. Instinctly she moved back. Again flashes of the past, their first night and Diwali night kept flooding her, disorientating her until she felt something hard and cold against her back. She was back to the wall, again! Did she never learn? Why was she fighting it?! The sooner this was over, the sooner she could pick up the broken pieces of herself and blindly plod along until it was time to go home and she was in the comfort of her own bed.

"Koi farak nai padta, haina Khushi?" he asked, his voice controlled.

"Nai." She shook her head.

Khushi, what the hell are you doing?! Now is not the time to play games. Part of her screamed. But she could not admit how she felt. Didn't he tell her that she meant nothing to him, then how could she tell him that he meant everything to her?! That her day started with his image and ended with his thoughts. That everything about him affected her - the way he looked at her, the way he ignored her, the way he frowned at her, the way he said "what the?", the way he smiled. How could she tell him that despite her fighting her emotions, even after Diwali night, her heart was still beating only for him?! He would laugh at her and call her stupid and say she was not using her brains again. She could tolerate his taunts on her but not her love for him. She sighed. This was going to be a long night.

"So I suppose if I accidentally ran my hands up your arms, it makes no difference?"

His gentle touch along her right forearm up to her shoulders refocused her attention back to the room. Her skin burned with the contact. She tried not to grimace though struggled to contain her breathing and of course her traitorous heart. "No."

"Good." He smiled. Immediately he turned her to face the mirror with her back exposed to him. "Then I suppose, it wont make much difference if I accidentally brushed my hands along your back?" His eyes studying hers through the reflection.

Immediately, she struggled for air. What was he doing? She felt his fingers danced across her back and gradually tuck on her dori.

"No Arnavji. Please." She whispered. Closing her eyes in her vain attempt to control herself.

"No Arnavji what Khushi? No because it does not make a difference or no because it makes a lot of difference? Which one khushi?" He whispered as his lips grazed her left ear, sending an electric current down her spine and uncontrolled whimper escaping from her lips.

She bit her lips and took a deep breath. She struggled to look at him and where else could she look? She felt too exposed. "No it makes no difference."

"Excellent. Just what I'd wanted to hear." His lips caressed down her nape until they were just above her dori. She squeezed her lengha for support. She felt a tuck of her dori and then felt it come undone. Immediately, her eyes looked up at the mirror and watched as he slowly raised his head and smiled, again his eyes focussing on hers. She grabbed and released her hair clip, letting her hair tumble down, covering her exposed back.

"Please Arnavji."

"Yes Khushi?"

"What is it you want?"

"Why do you care of my wants? Didn't you say it makes no difference?"

"Isnt that what you said as well?"

"Really Khushi, is that what I said?"

"Yes, Diwali night, you said I made no difference to you and that I meant nothing."

Arnav stood back and repositioned himself inches away from her, allowing her to turn and face him. "That's right."

Khushi struggled to look at him, she was now fighting a losing battle with her tearducts. Just like her heart, they were soon going to deceive her as well.

"Does it make a difference Khushi?" He took another step back and crossed his arms. His eyes though still studying her.

She shook her head. She was about to answer when there was a knock on the door.

"Khushi, are you okay? How long does it take to change Khushi?" Payal interrupted. "Open the door Khushi."

Khushi stood completely still. What was she to do now? What would Payal say if she found them two together. Especially after Khushi had said that she was going to change. This night was now getting from bad to worse.

"Khushi?"

"Yes jiji. I'm changing jiji. Please, can't a girl change in peace." She scurried round the room looking for places that he could hide. She opened the closet - not to big enough for him. She scanned under the bed - too small a distance. Why did they get low lying beds anyway. Bathroom? she opened the door and motioned him to enter.

Arnav stood still and shook his head.

"Khushi?"

"Yes jiji?"

Khushi folded her hands and mouthed a please. She watched in horror as he remained calm and placed himself at the edge of the bed.

"What?!" Khushi mouthed. She watched as he was about to speak. Immediately she was by his side, hand over his mouth. "Dont speak" she whispered, unaware that she was now stood inches over him.

"You have been changing for the last 20 minutes, Khushi? What are you doing in there, having a fashion show?"

"No jiji." she continued to plead with Arnav to get into the bathroom. He continued to shake his head in defiance.

She watched as his hand grabbed hers and immediately pulled her down towards him. "I thought you said it made no difference? So let her in" Arnav whispered into her ear as his hands encircled her waist. She let out a small cry.

"It doesn't." she replied.

"Is someone in there with you?" Payal continued from outside.

"Dont be silly jiji. Who could be here with me? Please jiji. Give me few minutes and then I'll come down. Please jiji".

"Its going to take us more than a few minutes." Arnav whispered as he resumed his assault of gentle kisses along her neck. "But then it should not matter to you Khushi Kumari Gupta. Afterall, koi farak nai padta."

Khushi cursed the day she said those words. She tried to think whether did he start it first or did she. and who the hell cared at this moment?! Maybe Arnavji was right. She lacked brains. Would a sane person be thinking about that phrase in her current position where her sister was outside wanting to get in. She was in and not sure what she wanted to do anymore but knew she had to change? But couldnt. Afterall she couldnt change in front of him but there was no stopping her changing in the bathroom was there? True, it was a possibility but then what explaination would she give to her sister that Arnavji was in her room all along whilst she changed. And all he seemed to care was whether it made a difference or not. And to top that, even her body was abandoning her for the sake of pleasure. She was definitely doomed.

"Open the door now Khushi." Payal continued to bang on the door. "Or else, I'll get someone to come and open this door from the outside. Your choice, Khushi."